For getting to play out her family’s dream, Survivor became a nightmare for Tori Meehan fairly quickly. She had a tough time gaining any footing in the game after being on the back foot from the jump, and personally clashed with various tribe members. Despite the target never leaving her back, she evaded a dreaded torch snuffing for 17 days with a combination of defensive tactics and clutch challenge wins. But when Tori was without immunity for the first time in the postmerge, it kicked off a series of events that led to an unorthodox open and frank Tribal Council, culminating in her vote out without pen even being put to parchment. With years of psychological study and Survivor obsession in her tool belt, Tori claimed she was an expert in the “art of trust.” Unfortunately, a key flaw in her game on season 42 was that she was unable to gain any. While she attempted to make a connection with the younger people on Ika, idol hunting suspicion put her on the early radar of Drea Wheeler, a position she never truly left. Throughout every point in the premerge, Tori had eyes on her as a possible boot candidate. But when her back was against the wall, the claws came out at Tribal Council, and this cat continued on her nine lives in the game. But along the way, she certainly did not stay hidden, especially in her many conflicts with the tribe’s “alpha dog” Rocksroy Bailey. The biggest illustration of that relationship came when Rocksroy reversed a challenge outcome to make Tori no longer immune, something she was vocally upset about. Those feelings turned almost immediately to joy when she won the first individual Immunity Challenge. Little did Tori know it was very much needed. While she was presenting herself as an easy person to flip on her Ika tribe members, her former blue buffers were offering her up as a target for that exact reason. So Tori continued to be the tribe target, even on a completely new tribe. Luckily, she kept herself immune for the first two votes, keeping her as an outsider but removing her name from contention. Even when she wasn’t safe, Jonathan Young wanted to take advantage of the numbers in a split Tribal Council to remove Drea and her idol from the game. But as many plans do on Survivor, that got blown up at Tribal Council. Upon seeing two Black people on the jury, Drea and Maryanne Oketch both played their idols to guarantee a third would not be sitting next to them. After an illuminating discussion about their burdens and perceptions from both the players and the audience, it left Tori and Lindsay Dolashewich as the only names left on the table. In a rarity for the show, a consensus vote was taken among the group. And unfortunately for Tori, her lack of relationships meant her time had finally come. Now out of the game, Tori talks with Parade.com about her reaction to the incredibly open Tribal Council that took her out, the most up-and-down relationships she had in the game, and how she looks back on a season she could have never prepared for. We have to start with that Tribal Council. On the one hand, Drea and Maryanne pour their hearts out about how difficult it is to play this game and see two Black people on the jury. On the other hand–and you vocalize this on the show–it’s tough to get back into game mode and try to stay while this is going on. Talk me through the emotions of this incredibly important conversation happening, while also most likely realizing this all means you would be the one going. So at the beginning of Tribal, when it started to kind of turn, I was still like, “No, I’m still in game mode.” So I tried lying to Drea and being like, “I mean, if you want to play your idol, I support that. I don’t think you need to. My vote’s not going to change.” Clearly, I’m bluffing to be like, “Please don’t play your idol.” But then I felt it definitely take a turn, when it was clear there was a lot more going on than just something in the game. When that happened, I felt like the best thing I could do to support them was just to give them space to talk. As you notice, I’m a very competitive person. I like ensuing chaos. But that was a moment I just wanted to happen. Because as soon as it was clear that Drea was going to play her idol, I knew I was going home. My game was done; it was over. And I understood that if I were to go home that night, all that really meant was my Survivor dream was coming to an end, which I obviously don’t like. But if Marianne or Drea were to go home that night, it would have been a lot more meaningful and hurtful for them. So I was actually okay. I’ve been peaceful about it this entire time. I’ve never held grudges or been mad or frustrated. I understood it was my time to go. And that was a moment that needed to be showcased.What was the mood like at camp that afternoon? You’re split into this group, and I’d imagine when you lose immunity, you think there’s a fair chance you’re going. But then Jonathan starts running around trying to blindside Drea with her idol. How confident were you that you’d be staying? It was somewhat calm with just five people. You didn’t see as much going on. There weren’t as many things because there were only five of us. But I remember I told myself, “Tori, you need to calm down.” They didn’t show that I’m a very emotional person out there. I would cry; some of my alliances thought I was paranoid early on, blah, blah, blah. So I was like, “Okay, pull it together. People aren’t going to trust me if I seem paranoid.” So I was hopeful. I knew I was going to be targeted like the first few Tribal Councils. But I know on Survivor, if you can just make it a little more, people are going to want to start making moves. And I’m clearly a number; I have no one else. And so I saw this as my time. I actually had quite a bit of hope going into that Tribal that Drea would go home. This is finally my moment; the cockroach squeezes by yet again. And I think Drea felt very safe too. So we were all kind of getting played.Let’s go back to the beginning of the game. You clearly had a plan for how to play coming in, which got derailed almost immediately. What caused you to have to pivot so quickly? Two big things were the tribe I was on–the people I was with–and also the fact that we lost that first Immunity Challenge. We didn’t get as much relationship building and making social connections. It was very much like, “Alright, we got to vote someone out.” And my name was out there. So when my name was out there, I was like, “I’m not being this laid-back therapy-type girl. I’m fighting for my life here.” So that set it off.But also, it was hard being on Ika; I’m going to be honest. We didn’t have fun. We never hung out at the beach or played in the water. We sat in our shelter and gathered firewood. Honestly, it wasn’t that fun. It wasn’t a really good vibe to start with. I felt like, “Oh, let’s have fun. Let me connect. Let me do this stuff.” No, it just wasn’t really that. I’m so glad I prepared, even though literally none of it mattered. But I do think I at least tried to play Survivor. I was going to give it everything I literally had, even if it was so, so extra. (Laughs.)It was a trend in the premerge that your name would be on the chopping block, and you would have to defend yourself against someone at Tribal Council. Did that surprise you at all? I’ve watched a lot of Survivor. So I know if your name is ever going around, try to stir something up. I know that I can speak. And so I did think, “Okay, if I’m ever in a position, I think I could out-talk someone or convince people to go my way.” I just know I have qualities that people would want to keep me around for. So I would try to highlight those things. But, if it was ever me or someone else, I was like, “Bye-bye.” (Laughs.) Everything is survivable. For me, it was do or die. I would refuse to go down, except in that last Tribal, because that was a different circumstance.You and Rocksroy seemed to have several disagreements throughout your time together, with you going so far as to call him a narcissist. Was it a simple personality conflict, or did one particular incident lead to you two not seeing eye-to-eye? I misunderstood Rocks. People want us to hate each other now. No, I love him. He is amazing. But in the game, I thought he was super condescending; he was always talking down to me. And then I finally realized, “Wait, he genuinely is more comfortable talking to kids because he’s a stay-at-home dad.” And that’s how he was talking to me. I’ve never seen a character like Rocksroy on Survivor. I didn’t like someone not telling me things when I was clearly trying to work with you. That would frustrate me to no end. But what I want to say, too, is there was more of a strategic purpose to our back and forth, at least on my end. Postmerge, I wanted people to see Ika as super fractured. But I still wanted to stay Ika strong. That is the best thing for me moving forward. So I wanted people to see me and Rocks don’t get along at all. So they could tell Rocks stuff thinking he won’t tell me, and they could tell me stuff thinking I won’t tell Rocks. Then Rocks would feel me information. It did work to my benefit. So there was a little more there than me just being annoyed.Another key relationship is with Drea. You seemed to work together, then drift apart, constantly throughout the game. What’s your take on your dynamic? Well, it’s so complicated. Here’s the thing. I always wanted to work with Drea. In my ideal situation, it was me, Drea, and Swati. I saw us as three strong women. We’re all different races, different religions; what a beautiful moment. But there was something about me that Drea did not want to work with. She did not want to trust me. It looked like I was trying to blindside Drea on Ika. Anytime that was shown, I was just relaying Swati’s plans. But of course, it looks like me saying I want to blindside Drea. Really, she never wanted to work with me. And so, as soon as she could get away from me, she was going to try to bury me. There were lies going on about me that came from Drea that I was searching in people’s bags, and I couldn’t be trusted. Or that I would dump my water out and look for idols, so I can’t be trusted. I really wanted to work with her. I think it’s a really powerful thing for two strong women to work together and empower each other instead of trying to dim each other’s lights. So I’m really sad that that happened because I could have seen her and me doing a lot of great things together in the game.To that point, were you aware at the time that people were seeing you as untrustworthy and not able to keep a secret? I was aware. I wasn’t aware to the extent that people would only hear it once and then not ever give me a chance. I was shocked. I’m literally so trustworthy. If you’re ride or die, I will go to the end, even if I might lose to you. I just want to make it as far as I can, make cool moves, and do stuff. It was just shocking that people were so willing to listen to one person’s opinion of me. But no one would really give me a chance. So whatever.It’s interesting you said you wanted Ika to stick together. Because it seemed like when the merge hit, you wanted to present yourself as someone others could pick up. Was that another strategy that shifted? So I mean, with everything, like I wanted my cake and to eat it too. I wanted to absolutely get away from Ika. But that was the emotional aspect. I also knew it was good for my game to stay Ika strong. So I went into that Applebee’s feast, and I was like, “This is literally perfect. I’m the only Ika here. I can make myself seem like a free agent.” And I feel like, in past seasons of Survivor, that works. When there are people on the bottom, you get scooped up, and you’ll get used as a number for someone else’s benefit. That just didn’t happen with me. People were like, “Oh, you want to help me benefit my game and pull my moves off? Nope. I still don’t want to work with you, Tori.” I even tried banding together everyone on the bottom, like me, Romeo, Chanelle, Maryanne, Lydia–who I thought was on the bottom–and Omar–who I thought was on the bottom. I was like, “This is our time. Let’s do a misfit militia. Let’s take out all these people who think they’re running the show.” So then, when that still didn’t happen, I was like, “Alright. I’m just going to win as many challenges as I can.“Speaking of Maryanne, I did see a secret scene where you talked about how hilarious she was and how you wanted to keep her in the game. Can you talk to me more about that relationship? Oh, my God, I love Maryanne. Okay, here’s the thing. I did not have fun with Ika. It was not fun. The first fun conversation I had this season was with Lindsay at Applebee’s. I was like, “Oh my gosh, we have stuff in common.” And then when I met Maryanne, we just laughed so much together. We would just sit by the fire, and we were probably so obnoxious to everyone else. But we connected on faith, on nerdiness, on Vines. We talked so much about Vines; it was so fun. I had so much fun with Maryanne. And I got to see a really strategic part of her too. I was like, “Oh, this girl is not just bubbly and fun and quirky.” She also was very strategic. So I wanted not only to have her in the game to have fun because I wanted my Survivor experience to be fun. But also, I wanted to work with her. She had a lot going on.Talking about challenges, you said coming in that you wanted to set a record for individual Immunity Challenges won by a woman, and you did impressively get two in a row. Did that success surprise you? I was very intimidated by Jonathan; that’s probably what you’re asking. But here’s the thing. I know individual Immunity Challenges don’t always play to Jonathan’s strengths. In that first challenge [with stacking blocks on a wobbly platform], I kind of knew I was going to win. I did marching band for years, and you’re taught how to march and not move your upper body. So I thought I could do that. And with the balancing [the buoy on poles], I found a strategy of how to hold the ball in the poles where I knew that as long as I didn’t fall off, my ball wasn’t going to fall. I mean, I don’t want to like sound like I knew I could do it, but I knew I could do it. That’s why I said, “I really believe I could break the record and win five individual Immunity Challenges for women.” I have these weird skills that are great for Survivor challenges. They don’t really work with any other sport or real-life thing. But for some reason for Survivor, it’s great.Let’s say you survived last night’s Tribal Council. Did you have anyone in mind you wanted to sit in the end with? Or were you just focused on making it through the next vote? To some point, it was just “one more day.” I still was trying to build social relationships every single time. I could still feel people didn’t really want to work with me. But I was getting a lot better of a relationship with Lindsay. I had great relationships with Maryanne, Romeo, and Omar. I do think if I kept making it, they would eventually be like, “Okay, let’s use Tori for our benefit.” And that was going to be my end game. But sadly, I had a lot of moves coming into Survivor. I wanted to be the driver. I wanted to make all these decisions. And that just wasn’t going to be my game.To that point, I know a lot of superfans come in and obviously don’t get the Survivor experience they anticipated. How do you look back on your journey on the show, considering how none of it factored into what you prepared for? I mean, I can’t even put it into words. Even if I got sent home that first Tribal Council, I was going to be sad. But I played Survivor! I’ve been trying for six years. I had so much in my head that I just wanted to try. And in my head, I’m like, “I want to go play a Kim Spradlin game.” That did not happen at all. That’s hilarious. (Laughs.) But I knew I just wanted to give it a shot. I wanted to have an adventure. I wanted to play. I do look back, and of course, I would like to change so many things. A lot of regrets, a lot of messy mistakes. But I played Survivor. It was a dream come true.Next, check out our interview with Rocksroy Bailey, who was also voted out in Survivor 42 Episode 9.
