In Pops, Melvin reflects on the fraught relationship he had growing up with his father, Lawrence, a distant, often absent parent who drank too much and worked the graveyard shift. “But as my own son got older, it became apparent to me that one of the ways to avoid having a complicated relationship with him was to probably, you know, figure out stuff with my dad,” Melvin says. Woven into his own chronicled journey with Lawrence are tremendous stories of fathers—uncles, teachers, mentors, average Joes—that Melvin has met during his Today show segment, Dad’s Got This!, where he profiles men across the country “doing extraordinary things for their children, sometimes by choice, sometimes by force, but always from a place of deep, deep love.” Because for Melvin, taking a journalistic approach to his past was only part of his growth as a dad. His encounters with these men have informed his understanding of his own role as a father—and son. “The highlight for me was being able to ask questions of my dad, very personal things that I didn’t have the courage to ask for years,” he says. “Hiding behind by my title as journalist, I got the guy to be honest, because I don’t think he necessarily saw me as his son. I think he saw me as a curious reporter. It was fascinating. And I have hours-worth of audio recordings of my dad that I’ll be able to pass down to my kids and grandkids one day.” Parade spoke to Melvin about the vulnerability of writing this book, the parenthood advice Carson Daly gave him and the dad-approved Father’s Day gifts for the father figures in your life. In Pops, you write that you resented your father’s absence and emotional distance. And resentment is a hard thing to get past. How did you do it? I used empathy to get over the resentment. When you’re younger, you view the world through a very different lens. When I was younger, I just saw a guy who didn’t want to be there for a host of reasons. Then I got older. I’ve done a lot of stories on people who struggle mightily with addiction. I came to understand addiction more, and I think consequently, I came to understand my dad more. Life is very precious and fragile and things can change dramatically very quickly. My dad may not be here tomorrow. I may not be here tomorrow. So some of the great qualms that I had, I addressed them, not knowing what the future might hold. Are you happy with where you’ve landed, working through those more complicated feelings? I wouldn’t say I’ve landed. I would say that I’m a work in progress. I think we all are. What have you learned about yourself as a father? People don’t talk about dad guilt a lot, but it’s just as real for fathers. I’m not there in the morning when my kids go to school. I’ve been on the airplane every day for the past five days. And I miss my kids. But I had a conversation years ago with Carson Daly—we have these venting sessions occasionally—and he said something that has stayed with me ever since. He said, “You know, at some point you realize as a dad, we’re all sacrificing something—some sacrifice money, some sacrifice time. It’s something you have to become OK with and instead focus on quality over quantity.” I’m not going to be there every football practice or Little League practice, but what I can do is make sure I’m creating memories when we are together, whether it’s dinnertime or Melvin family movie night on Fridays. When your kids grow up, what’s something you hope they’ll remember about you from their childhood? I hope they remember they can always talk to me. That’s something I really work on, is creating a dynamic with both of my children so they feel comfortable sharing anything with me—good or bad. I catch them in lies frequently, but I try not to berate them. I want them to talk to me not because I want to be their best friend—I’m not one of those parents trying to be their kid’s bestie. But I do want them to come to me to celebrate or confess, and I think that’s one of the most important things that parents can do with their children, to create an environment where they feel comfortable. I also want them to remember me as being wildly humorous, especially when they’re eulogizing me 70 years from now! Do you remember your first Father’s Day? I do remember because something else happens, by the way, when you have kids—I don’t think it’s just me, but maybe it is? But I wasn’t a man of great emotion before children. In fact, a few folks have contended that before children, I was a man devoid of most emotion. But then all of a sudden you have kids and it’s like everything gets you emotional. The first piece of artwork that my son gave me says “I love you to the moon and back, Daddy.” Then my daughter’s born, and I have her first finger painting here. All the sudden, everything becomes sentimental! And you have to decide is this really worth keeping? And here’s the sad part: By and large, we keep them all.
Craig Melvin’s Father’s Day Gift Guide
To Sip
After friend and Today co-host Al Roker reported on Uncle Nearest Whiskey, Melvin was hooked—on both the taste of its 1856 Premium Aged Whiskey and its story. The Tennessee brand was named after Nearest Green, a formerly enslaved man who became the first African American master distiller and a mentor to Jack Daniel. $59, unclenearest.com
To Remember
While his office walls showcase framed handmade cards and finger paintings by his kids, the problem, Melvin says, is square footage. A great gift for loved ones running out of wall space—and a way to get photos off your phone and in front of dads and granddads—are Wi-Fi-connected digital picture frames, like the Aura Carver, $199, auraframes.com or PhotoSpring 10 Premium, $179, photospring.com.
To Listen
“We love music in our house—even if my kids listen to the same song 12 times,” he says. Melvin’s backyard and beach-going musical companion is the compact JBL GO 2, a waterproof Bluetooth speaker. $40, jbl.com
To Relax
After a long day at 30 Rock, the anchor’s polished suit comes off and the wool-lined Ugg Scuff Slippers slide on, along with “what I like to call knockabout pants,” he says. “Some folks call it athleisure, but I like to go a step above sweatpants.” $80, ugg.com
To Gift
Don’t knock the Dad’s Day sock givers, Melvin says. He’s a fan of Bombas Socks, which are engineered for comfort and durability. Plus, the company has donated more than 45 million pairs to homeless shelters since 2013. Stripe Colorblock Calf Socks, $15, bombas.com Next, 50 Fun Ideas to Celebrate Father’s Day That Will Show Dad How Much You Care
And More Father’s Day Picks From Parade:
For the Golf Enthusiast: In A Course Called America (Avid Reader Press), globetrotting golfer Tom Coyne travels 50 states and 5,000 fairways in search of the quintessential American golf course, delivering an epic love letter to the sport along the way. $29, amazon.com
For the Dad Heading Back to the Office: Wrinkle-free, machine washable and even moisture wicking, State & Liberty’s Performance Dress Shirts will help him transition from sweats to the in-office menswear staple. $90, stateandliberty.com
For the Old Schooler: Take him back to the ’70s with Igloo’s 50th anniversary revival of the Little Playmate cooler in a variety of retro colors—tent top and famous push-to-open side button included. $30, igloocoolers.com Next, 77 of the Best Dad Songs Ever for Your Father’s Day Playlist
