Why? Because complex PTSD is less common—it only affects .5 percent of the adult population, or a fraction of the percentage of those living with PTSD. “Complex PTSD is a form of PTSD but with additional symptoms,” Audrey Hope, a trauma and addiction counselor, tells Parade. “The condition occurs when you experience intense, ongoing trauma for long periods of time, be it from long-term sexual abuse, ongoing domestic violence, the horrors of being a prisoner of war, or a victim of trafficking or prostitution. The trauma could have happened at a young age, over and over again. It may have lasted for a long time and/or occurred repeatedly, over the course of multiple episodes,, and complex PTSD may be diagnosed in adults or children who have repeatedly experienced traumatic events, such as violence, neglect or abuse.” She adds that symptoms of complex PTSD include difficulty controlling emotions, feelings of anger or distrust toward the world, hopelessness, and even suicidal thoughts. “Physical symptoms can also develop, including headaches, stomach aches, dizziness, and chest pain.” Some individuals with CPTSD also experience tremors or shakes, according to Hope. The good news is complex PTSD can be treated. With therapy and medication, many individuals live happy, healthy, and fulfilling lives. If you know someone living with CPTSD, however, you may be wondering how to help them—and what not to say. Here are some you should never say to someone with CPTSD, according to Hope:
What not to say to someone with complex PTSD
1. Get over it.
Saying “get over it” to someone who is suffering in any capacity isn’t just dismissive, it is flippant, disrespectful, and rude. It also trivializes the severity of one’s condition and makes them believe their inability to feel better is due to a character defect. It is somehow their fault or a flaw.
2. People have been through worse
While others may have “had it worse,” comparing trauma or suffering is not helpful at all, because in doing so you exacerbate feelings of guilt and increase shame. You also minimize the survivor’s experience, which is hurtful (at best).
3. You’re overreacting
Another way of minimizing a survivor’s experience is to say something like “you’re being dramatic and/or overacting." Remarks like these are made out of frustration, not compassion. They show complete and total disregard for an individual’s thoughts or feelings. They are also (unintentionally) controlling since comments like these dictate how a person should (and should not) feel, adding judgment, shame, and blame to the mix.
4. But that was so long ago
While the events trauma survivors experienced may no longer be happening, they relive them most days. From flashbacks and nightmares to literal changes in how one thinks and feels, trauma alters the body and mind. And telling someone these events are behind them is a moot point.
5. Things weren’t that bad
Telling someone things weren’t “that bad’’ doesn’t just negate their experience, it trivializes it. It is hurtful, at best. Comments like these are also ignorant and dismissive. They lack compassion, empathy, and understanding.
6. My friend went through something similar, and she got over it
Comparing trauma isn’t just a flawed process, it is faulty, through and through. Everyone is different and handles trauma differently. No recovery is linear. There is no end date or timeline, and an individual’s reaction to traumatic events will vary depending on their personality, emotional resilience, and support.
7. You’re too sensitive
While individuals with complex PTSD may seem more sensitive than their mentally well peers (spoiler alert: they are), calling someone sensitive minimizes their experience. It is also name-calling, which should be avoided.
8. You just have to face your fears
Facing your fears can be effective. After all, it’s the basis for the age-old “fall off the bike get back on” analogy. But trauma survivors should only face their fears if and when they are ready to do so. It should also be done in a controlled manner and with the help of a licensed counselor, therapist, psychologist, and/or psychiatrist.
9. Leave the past in the past
It’s a simple notion, right? Leave the past behind you. But for survivors, the past is very much in their present, which is why they have c-PTSD. “When something traumatic happens, the brain registers the event to prevent it from happening again. That’s why some memories will stick and remain with us forever,” an article on eCounseling explains. “Unfortunately, it’s not that easy for the human mind to leave the past behind, especially when the past holds something that has shaken the very core of your personality.” Next up: What Not to Say to Someone With Anxiety
Sources
Audrey Hope, a trauma and addiction counselor"20 Things Not to Say to Someone With PTSD." eCounseling.
