“There is situational anxiety and overall background anxiety,” saysDr. Alex Dimitriu, MD, double board-certified in Psychiatry and Sleep Medicine and founder of Menlo Park Psychiatry & Sleep Medicine. “Panic attacks are the highest and shortest form of anxiety, and can be really intense. Fortunately, as most panic attack sufferers know, these attacks are never even remotely that dangerous. For some people with panic attacks, a single trip to the ER or their doctor, can often confirm that there is nothing to fear medically or physically. As Franklin D Roosevelt once said, we have ’nothing to fear but fear itself.’ In the case of panic attacks, it is the very fear of having one that often brings one on. So it is essential to break this cycle, by realizing nothing material or physical, besides fear, will come of it.” When a panic attack happens it’s hard not only for the person going through it, but for everyone around them. Questions arise such as, “what should I do?” and “what should I say?” In these situations, it’s important to be mindful of what you say, because by saying the wrong thing, you can make matters worse.
What to say to someone having a panic attack
“I’m here for you. Tell me what you need.”
This statement lets the person know you care and will be there for them. “Rather than assuming what they might want or need, ask them so you can best meet their needs,” Joyce Marter, licensed psychotherapist and author of The Financial Mindset Fix: A Mental Fitness Program for an Abundant Life, explains. “You might ask if they would like to lay down, need some air or water, or if they would like you to sit close to them or give them space.
“It’s understandable that you are feeling overwhelmed.”
Going through a panic attack is scary, and during such a vulnerable moment, it’s helpful to hear that your feelings are valid. “Making statements like this is normalizing and validating and lets the other person know you understand,” says Marter. “Be empathic, rather than judgmental.”
“Feel your feet against the floor (or seat on the chair) and feel the gravity pulling your body down and anchoring you”.
One of the most effective ways to calm your mind is to focus on your body. “When experiencing panic, many people experience a flight response to stress and feel like they want to jump out of their skin,” Marter states. “Focusing on feeling grounded will help them to feel more rooted and calm. In my practice, I’ve found that offering people a blanket or throw to wrap around their shoulders and body creates a cocoon sensation which has a calming effect.”
“Connect with your breath and your senses.”
Never underestimate the power of breath! “It’s the thoughts about a situation that cause panic so connecting with the breath is a mindfulness practice to get out of your head and into your body,” Marter explains.
“I know it feels horrible, but this will pass. You will get through this. You’re going to be okay.”
It’s important to remind them that this is temporary. “Panic attacks can feel terrible and feel very scary—the person may even like they are going to die,” says Marter. “Reminding them that they will survive and it will pass will be comforting.”
“Help is available, affordable and effective.”
After the panic attack has passed, be the bridge to professional mental health support and provide information, resources and referrals, Marter explains.
“Tell me about what you’re feeling.”
During a panic attack, people often do one of two things: distract themselves from what’s happening, or try to make the feeling go away. “The problem is that during a panic attack, both of these attempts can actually exacerbate the experience,” Dr. Dustin Siegel, licensed clinical psychologist and owner of The LEAP Center for Anxiety, says. “By talking about what you’re experiencing, and what you’re feeling afraid of during the panic attack, the person will begin a mindfulness practice of observing the experience rather than trying to escape it.
“Can we practice a grounding exercise together?”
During panic attacks, people often feel completely out of control, both physically and mentally. A grounding exercise can help. “Grounding exercises help bring people back to the present moment,” Dr. Siegel explains. “Practicing something like noticing five things you can touch, four things you can hear, and three things you can see, helps bring people’s attention back to the here and now, without over-relying on distraction. Plus, offering to do this together with the person having the panic attack helps them feel supported, and as if you are truly going through this with them.”
“I know you can tolerate this.”
For the person having a panic attack, it can feel unbearable. And while panic attacks are certainly uncomfortable, they are not dangerous. “Staying calm and letting the person know that they can tolerate the attack can help them get through it,” says Dr. Alissa Jerud, licensed clinical psychologist, Clinical Assistant Professor of Psychology in the Department of Psychiatry at the University of Pennsylvania, and host of The Anxiety Savvy Podcast. “Plus, the more the person practices sitting with their symptoms without trying to make them go away, the stronger their muscles for tolerating distress will become. This increased distress tolerance will, in turn, help the person learn that they can get through whatever physical sensations come their way, no matter how uncomfortable these may seem.”
“Would you be willing to try doing the opposite of what your brain wants you to do?”
Sometimes it’s best not to follow your instincts. “People who have panic attacks often fear not only the symptoms, but also the effect that these symptoms might have on their functioning, Dr. Jerud explains. “For instance, they may believe that they’ll lose control and embarrass themselves in front of others if they don’t leave when panicking in public. Or they may think that they might pass out if they get up from the floor and walk around. In other words, their brains may be telling them to leave quickly or stay put.” In these cases, it can be really helpful to see what happens if they do the exact opposite and stay put (when in public) or get up and walk around (when on the floor), Dr. Jerud adds. This helps drive home the idea that they do not need to let their anxiety dictate what they do or don’t do - even if they are having a panic attack. Next, read about the 12 best apps for anxiety.
Sources
Alex Dimitriu, MD, double board-certified in Psychiatry and Sleep Medicine and founder of Menlo Park Psychiatry & Sleep MedicineDr. Alissa Jerud, licensed clinical psychologist, Clinical Assistant Professor of Psychology in the Department of Psychiatry at the University of Pennsylvania, and host of The Anxiety Savvy Podcast.Joyce Marter, licensed psychotherapist and author of The Financial Mindset Fix: A Mental Fitness Program for an Abundant LifeDr. Dustin Siegel, licensed clinical psychologist and owner of The LEAP Center for Anxiety
